The Day I Had to Redefine Strong

February 18th, 2014

         Thump thump, thump thump. Breath in, breath out. Every vessel felt so alive, every sense heightened.    

        I thought over the motions a million times. Run. Hurdle. Front handspring. PUNCH! Front tuck. Kick out. Easy. Simple. I got this. I am strong. I am skillful. I can do this.

        I put my weight on my back leg, raising the front leg in the air to point to my target, the opposite end of the floor.  I ran forward, each stride cutting through the chalk-filled gym air. Muscle memory took over, and I let my body do the flipping.

My forehead hit the blue spring floor with a strong, unforgiving force. 

        My vision was greeted by millions of tiny stars, exploding in a chalky, dizzying background. I stood up quickly, trying to ignore the pain that began to crawl to my brain. I am strong. I can’t be hurt. I am strong.

            A head of long, blonde curly hair ran up to me quickly; my coach Tanny. She looked me in the eyes, lightly touching my arm, and asked concerningly, “Are you okay?” My armor was up, and I was strong. I replied hurriedly, “Yup I’m good.” She told me to get a drink and prepare for our next event.

            *        *        *        *        *         *        *        *         *        *        *        *        *         *        * 

Now let me rewind to earlier in this practice. Let’s back up before the crash, before all of the tumbling passes, before the dreaded splits during warm ups. 

As I walked into the gym, I simply wore a leotard and a smile; ready for the workout ahead. My life revolved around Gymnastics. I had done this sport since I was 5 years old, and it helped to shape and mold me into the girl who walked into the gym that February evening.

That girl was strong; mentally and physically. The number of injuries I could count with both my fingers and toes were just small milestones, and helped to build both grit and determination. I was stubborn. I didn't like to admit that I was hurt, because that meant I had to stop the one thing that made me really happy: Gymnastics. I didn’t want to admit that maybe, sometimes, I wasn’t that strong.

*        *        *        *        *         *        *        *         *        *        *        *        *         *        * 

Now let’s fast forward. The stars that overwhelmed my vision when my head hit the floor signified something greater than just dizziness - something that I didn’t realize and would not realize until I finally had the courage to reflect back. Those stars signified the closing of a wonderful chapter of my life.

What I did not realize as my forehead hit the floor was that my 11 year gymnastics career was over. I did not realize that this tumbling pass would impact my future in ways I did not foresee or plan.

The negative chain reaction went like this: quitting Gymnastics, struggling in school, experiencing depression-like symptoms. Physical therapy would be the pivotal point; it had to get worse before it could get better. I had to become weak to then come out stronger. 

*        *        *        *        *         *        *        *         *        *        *        *        *         *        * 

There are 3 major things that this injury and experience have taught me, helping to recreate me as a person. I wish that I could rewind and tell my 16 year old self these pieces of advice I now carry with me every day:

      1. Cherish the things you love doing; you truly do not know how long you have left with them.

                              Hold onto the friendships and those that remind you of all of the reasons why you        

                              stuck with the sport. An chapter closing doesn't mean the characters can't join you in 

                              the next chapter.

      2. Trust the process, change is hard.

                              Spoiler - change is actually GOOD. When I first quit gymnastics, I thought I 

                              would never be able to fill the void. 2 years later, I was standing on the District Diving    

                              podium, beaming ear to ear. Change can also mean growth, even if it is in an   

                           unfamiliar direction. 

 3.  Strong has many definitions.

        I thought strong was all about how many pull ups I could do on bars or what scores I could get for my crazy vaults. What I have learned since then is that strong is a synonym to perseverance. Mental toughness is just as important as physical toughness; be kind to your body and your brain.

       

*        *        *        *        *         *        *        *         *        *        *        *        *         *        * 

       It’s ok to not feel strong and temporarily lose that identity. You WILL find your identity somewhere else. You WILL regain your strength, even if it’s in ways you didn’t originally plan. Trust your doctors, trust your physical therapist, and trust the road God is leading you down. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change it. Things have to get worse before they can get better. Strong is the one who has seen hardships, and stronger is the one who has learned from them. 

Work Cited

Gymnastics Fail. N.p.: Giphy, n.d. GIF. http://gph.is/28QnwLE

Heart Pumping. N.p.: Giphy, n.d. GIF. http://gph.is/16BZ071

NYC Bike Street. N.p.: Giphy, n.d. GIF. http://gph.is/28LwS9j

Page Turning. N.p.: Giphy, n.d. GIF. http://gph.is/Pz8eOd

Reverse Gymnastics. N.p.: Giphy, n.d. GIF. http://gph.is/2buW2L6

Stars, Petscii. N.p.: Giphy, n.d. GIF. http://gph.is/29mLNrS

Toddler Gymnastics Fail. N.p.: Giphy, n.d. GIF. http://gph.is/1UgvGzx
       Tumbling Injury Fail. N.p.: Giphy, n.d. GIF.  
                   https://media.giphy.com/media/DOjxsyxjtSXkY/giphy.gif